I made a new tumblr!
As the day closes, i sit in this chair with an ache in my back that worsens as i tap away at the keyboard. I think to myself, “what have i done all day?”, “could i have prevented this pain?”, but the ambiguity of the answer does not lie within the reason of the pain, it lies under the question of time and the effectiveness of time. Perhaps i could have taken a seat as i was walking instead of busting my body to get on home. But i did not. Why? Because i fear time and limitations, though i am controlled by them. I walked with the notion of time waiting to mark me obsolete, to catch me and retrace me, to say, “you are late.”. Sure i had appointments to attend and to attend but now i am here and then i was there in hopes to be here. But now i am waiting with nothing to do but to focus on the pounding fist bashing the vertebrates of my spine. Perhaps if i had sat down i would have been relaxed, typing this with gentle hands that would do no harm to the bouncing keys beneath my fingers. But i am in fear of time, and time is not my friend. It seems as if my life is a novel, with several arising crises, with no resolutions, caused by the subtlest antagonist of all: time. Time has never been on my side. Whether it be meeting the most amazing person for me and not being able to fulfill their needs because i wasn’t ready to start anew in a relationship, or responding ages late to a message that had such great importance, time has never been on my side. Through my younger years and adolescence i hid my fear and corresponded to it’s limitations and as i grow older and progress into the hands of time, i mirror my fear to the hidden adversities inside me, perhaps it is resolvable. Of course it is resolvable, how could it not be? I hope those who i have wrongly affected, because of time, can forgive me.